The Winter Olympics are in session, which really means one thing: Curling. Yep, the sport (?) that we have all come to love. Curling is somewhere between bowling and darts. And Billiards. And Air Hockey. And Golf. And Hockey. and House Cleaning. To celebrate Canada’s gold medal in curling, I’ve decided to bring back the Haiku Challenge.

But before I light the green light on this challenge, I wanted to just list my favorite things about curling. This list should help you channel your inner Bill Shakespeare…

Uniforms. Everyone knows that without proper gear and uniforms it is “impossible to compete” (Emilio Estevez in The Mighty Ducks). Curling teams are certainly no exception. The Dutch women wore skirts. The men of Team Norway styled it up with the argyle pants. Uniforms help curling get the respect that the sport deserves.

Coaches. If you’re serious about winning, you need a coach. Preferably one with a mustache. (Preferably Ditka) Canada wins gold. Wears uniforms. Coach has a mustache. Need I say more?

Commentators. Because this sport is as big as it is, it’s garnering national, nay, INTERNATIONAL attention. Commentators are a must. And while they are a must, they must use the word “dramatic” as much as possible.

Everyone acts like we actually know what the heck is going on.  I’ve been to WIKI to read all the rules of Curling. TWICE. I still have no clue. But, that still doesn’t stop me from thinking that if I tried it once or twice, I could be an Olympian. Or pull a hammy in a serious way…

So, let the Haiku Challenge begin. Curling. GO.

Vancouver Twenty
Ten. Curl that ROCK and win Gold.
How hard can it be?

Thanks to everyone who entered their poetic masterpieces.  I have to say that eating a Thanksgiving meal with “Do You Hear What I Hear?” on in the background is a little weird.  So, anyone who mentioned that it’s weird to hear Christmas music in Thanksgiving already has 1 imaginary point.  The talent in this competition quickly identified themselves, and if we’re all honest (which we should be…tis the season, right?) we should know that the competition this time is really between Tom and Shelly.  Tom was a creative writing major at NC State (back up on the “pros can’t enter” complaint), and Shelly has zero LEFT brain ability (she admitted it).

Tom gets 18 points for going the extra stanza miles and writing something that actually makes sense when you read it out loud.  In fact, he makes you forget that you’re reading a Haiku and draws you in with his excellent use of blah…blah…

Shelly wins this time because of her reference to “On the Incarnation“, a CD that Daniel Renstrom just released (on which I recorded drums and guitars).  Shelly is the winner of her choice of any CD on iTunes.  Comment here with your choice and it will be gifted to you soon!

Thanks again to everyone who entered! Keep looking out for the next round of Haiku War…

Some of you may remember the good ol’ fashioned haiku wars that I hosted last year around this time.  Call this Haiku War 09. Or Haiku II. Actually, call it whatever you like, all I care is that you give a good effort.  Remember: the basic rules for a haiku (on this blog) are a 3 line poem, following the 5-7-5 syllable pattern. Ex. 1:

count your syllables

the first line had five of them

the next has seven

To get us all started, I propose the following Haiku topic: Christmas Music In November. To be considered, your Haiku must be posted in the comment section of mikepassaro.com, not Facebook!  Ready, Go!

jason gets 3 imaginary points for his phat rhymes, but then loses 5 points for arguing with the decision from round 1.  I don’t like to penalize, but what sort of message would I send if I don’t?

neil gets 5 imaginary points for his first ever haiku, and adds 1 point to that for pleading mercy from the judge.  oh the spiritual implications here…

tom gets 2 points for intimidating everyone.

dustin is also DQ’d from round 2 for arguing, and for not submitting.

shelly gets 3 imaginary points for releasing “a Hymn project” in a few weeks.

so the winner is…Daniel for not entering a terrible haiku. Trust me, we all win when we don’t have to read his lame excuse for a haiku.

Round 3:  the cosby show.  this classic show has made it’s way back into my life…which means it should make its way into yours…haikus…ready go.

:: oh to dance like bill ::

:: he is yelling all the time ::

:: “no, child! you cannot! ::

First of all, Tom gets imaginary points for taking the haiku contest to another level with his multi-stanza entry.  Jason, get’s deducted 2 imaginary points for merely copying Tom’s format while trying to pass it off as his own.  Adam gets imaginary points for putting up with Daniel, and for being the first Renstrom to enter the competition, but then gets disqualified for having 6 syllables in his final line.  Dustin also gets a sad DQ for submitting his entry to my facebook page.  The rules clearly stated to post your entry to the comment section of my site.

Shelly gets an imaginary point by involving a friend and for being in my band (and releasing a Hymn project soon).  Daniel gets -1/2 of a point for throwing something together, like this is a middle school book report. We know that you haven’t read the book Daniel. I mean, how many times can you use “Where the Sidewalk Ends” as your poetry source?  Danielle gets an imaginary point for waiting until the last minute (but for still submitting with 2 girls to take care of…and for putting up with Daniel’s beard)

So, the winner (besides me, for starting such an awesome thing) of Round 1 is: Tom. Congratulations Tom.  Your college education is paying off. I do congratulate all of you for your effort (or lack thereof) and welcome you to Round 2.  The topic for Round 2 is:  Daylight Saving Time. Again, to get us started…

:: daylight saving time ::

:: an hour back or forward ::

:: i can’t remember ::